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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

my heart part one

Part 1
I started writing one night, and my testimony just started coming out. And then I started to really think about where God has led me to now. I have been adding to it here and there, processing through it all has been wonderfully humbling. Without further a due... Here is some deep insight into my heart, where God has saved me from and led me to.

Josh and I, along with a group of our friends, started a life group to do just that, do life as a group. We really wanted to set aside a chunk of time twice a month to make sure that we had quality time together. Something we really wanted to do was share our testimonies, to really bond and see where we have all been and where God has taken us. I personally, love testimonies.  I love to hear about how God reached each one of us and how we were lead to salvation. Our God is so personal and knows how to appeal to each man and woman. We are all different, we are all created that way, and God knows our hearts. I love that! Hearing about the choices we made leading up to the ultimate choice of choosing Christ back is unique and beautiful. 

Naturally, I was willing to share my testimony the first meeting, along with another leader Mark. I have really only ever told my full testimony one other time, so I am, by no means, a pro at this. I would say that I am a good story teller, but I am also very emotional, so I fight tears back as I talk. Any way, as I was telling this crazy story I have lived and talking about my failures, I realized I heard one thing; that God loved me. He loved me so much it hurt. His redemptive powers are glorified in every flaw and mistake I made. He didn't ever leave me. He was right there next to me whispering His promises. The Lord is resilient beyound belief! I mean trust me, I flat out ignored him for a long time. I ran from Him. Which is reallly hysterical, who runs from the almighty, all knowing, loving, gracious God calling you to holyness?? Me. Thats who. Because what the hell would that God want with me? I had given up on myself, lost myself in my insecurties and regret. Luckily, God reminded me that He makes beauty from ashes and makes old things new. That is kind of His thing, he's a pro at taking the broken and making them whole in Him.

My journey wasn't a magical overnight transition into being some wonderful cookie cutter Christian, I am still not that. What I have found along the way though has truly simplified what my life is. My life is not my own. There is so much simplicity in letting Christ live in you. It is not easy, it's a daily sacrifice, but it is simple. The simplest form of what it truly means to be a Christian, is to be a follower of Jesus. To fall in love with who Jesus Christ is, believe Him to be the Son of God, and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. The freedom that comes in living for Christ and not for self is incredible. That is what my journey has brought me to, freedom. In Christ I am free.  

I let a lot of the church's influence dictate my early years of being a follower and what I thought I should look like. Which is really me at the root of all my insecurity, I really just wanted to fit in again. I really wanted to be accepted. What has finally revolutionized and simplified my daily walk, is that I want to know God more than I want to look like I know God. I don't want to love Him because of His blessings and say what I should to look like I know God. I want to know Jesus so that I can be more like Him. How do you love and follow a God you do not know? I have found how true it is that to know Jesus is to love Him. I have truly fallen more and more in love with who God is and it has completely changed my life. I have finally let my heart rest in who I truly am in Christ, instead of trying to earn His love and look good to everyone else.

My journey is just that, a journey towards becoming less like myself and more like Christ. I believe in the gift that it is to share our stories and journeys openly, and that means sharing my journey too. My next post I am looking forward to sharing my testimony!




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