Recent Posts

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Brielle June by Karissa Yeager.

Here is another guest blog I have been saving up! One of mine & Josh's bestest friends, match maker extraordinaire, fellow blogger, wife and mom to the most beautiful girl, Brielle June, Mrs Karissa Yeager. Karissa & her husband Jake's story of how their sweet Brielle made our life so much bigger and better is amazing. I am so thankful to have witnessed the power of this story first hand and now share it with the world alongside them. 

Jake grew up across the street from Josh in Coalinga. Instant best buds. Jake started dating Karissa sophomore year of high school and the rest is history. Josh, Jake & Karissa have always been best friends, and I knew Karissa from my best friend Kate, who was also from Coalinga.  Kate moved to Clovis just before I did - thank God, or I would have been friendless for the better half of 6th and 7th grade and missed out on one of the best friendships I have to this day. Any way, as Josh and I look back on the countless times that we could have met, we just laugh. God had such a bigger and better plan, with perfect timing that would sweep us both off our feet. Karissa actually messaged me a legitimate list of "10 reasons to date my best friend Josh" ... they were really good reasons. Both of us were not ready to be set up, and of course we just happened to run into each other at church a couple weeks later. The rest, is history. 

Both Kate & Karissa knew we would fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Really though, none of us knew the blessing that our friendship would grow into. Karissa has truly become a sister to me, funny because we do look freakishly alike, but also, because our boys really are brothers. I couldn't ask for a better couple to share our crazy adventures through life with and have sleep overs with at any age. We shared the same joy as we both got our first babies, their Chocolate Lab Gatsby and our Pit / Aussie mix Greyson. And then, just before we were gonna tie the knot, we found out Jake & Karissa were pregnant. I'll let her take it from here...

Karissa Yeager

it's kind of amazing how this bitty six pound, fifteen ounce life can rock your world, can explode your heart, can make you suddenly feel God stronger than ever before.

after march 9th, 2013 at 10:17pm, there was no going back. i was done for.

Brielle June is precious because we all are, but Brielle June is precious because she is a beautiful testimony to God's love and power and to my love and humility.

on june 24, 2012 my sweet husband and i found out we were pregnant. that moment was magic. i'm talking a moment when the world gets blurry and your legs get jiggly, and you just wanna stop time and soak up every last drop of life's sweetness. on july 2nd, 2012 we were told that the baby was gone. the pregnancy was no good. i don't remember much more than crumbling. my legs got jiggly again, but the kind of jiggly that knocks you out cold. i felt my heart crush, my back buckle. i leaned over, short of breath and sobbed. i felt betrayed, by God and my own body. i felt broken. i felt guilty.

on july 3rd, 2012 i was wheeled into the OR and i received a D&C. i just felt wrong. i felt wrong everywhere about everything. i was desperate to get a do-over. i remember pleading with God inside my head. i was desperate to be a mama. i was pleading to Him. please, Lord. someday make me a mama. that day was awful, and so were the days that followed. i remained tired, sad, and bitter.

on july 11th, 2012, found myself clinging to God, my husband, and any last bit of strength i had left. we were in the emergency room at UC San Diego Medical Center. my pathology reports had come back with no fetal tissue. blood tests confirmed i was still pregnant...somewhere. my doctor suspected a tubal pregnancy. so there i sat. more terrified than i had ever been before. more exhausted. more angry. more helpless. i wanted my home, my mom, and my ovaries. i wanted a baby, for goodness sake. i still wanted that baby, and i just felt like i was never going to recover from any of the nightmare that my life was at that moment.

after hours of waiting, we were taken into a room, given an ultrasound, taken into another room, visited by a doctor, and it was there that i witnessed the biggest miracle of my life.

my stomach gets fluttery and my mind gets foggy just thinking about. the doctor told me that i was still pregnant. that the baby was alive, in my uterus. the baby was alive, and healthy, inside of me, right where it belonged.

doctors and nurses flooded in with nothing to tell me except that there was no explanation for what happened. it was simply a miracle. a beautiful miracle.

on march 9th, 2013 at 10:17pm i heard that sweet cry. she was here. my sweet and precious baby was here. i wanted her so badly. i pleaded for her. i pleaded, begged, prayed. now she is here.

there is no going back. she has my heart. i will never, ever be the same again. i love her so much it hurts me. i cry for her because i love her so. sometimes a lump forms in my throat when i hug her. when her cold, smooth, squishy cheek rests on my shoulder, when my lips touch her fuzzy head, when her body goes limp against mine. when she is completely at peace, completely content with my love and protection, thats when she gets me. it's moments like that that i am constantly longing for.

from the moment she became mine, God made sense. it's those moments when i'm down on my knees, when i'm reading those scriptures, when i'm loving that neighbor, and i'm completely at peace, completely content with His love and protection, that's when i get Him. that is what he is longing for.

i will never understand how much He loves me, how much He loves us. i can't even grasp how much i love her.

Brielle is a horrible napper, and sleeper in general. i have bruises on my arm from where she has pinched me. and more often than not, she pees everywhere the second i undo her diaper. regardless, my love for her is unconditional in the purest way. pinch all you want, little girl. pee on my favorite dress. never nap again. i love you.

and God is the same to us.

i sin. always. i am a gossiper, liar, and thief. but i am a child of God and to Him that is enough. i am pure and clean and precious.

i often think about the fact that one day Brielle will be 15. one day Brielle will want to dye her hair, to date someone we might not approve of, to listen to some music we can't understand. i will love her just the same, i can promise that. but i can also promise that she will forever be my six pound, 15 ounce perfect gift from God. she will be that answered prayer, that miracle that i will never deserve. she will always be that first cry, that sweet toothless smile, that girl that never naps. she will always be that fake cougher, that boob lover, that giggler at Gatsby, her chocolate lab. she will always be perfect. i will forever hold on to her innocence and purity.

i am so thankful that God made me a mama. i am more thankful that God made me a mama to Brielle June. she is everything i have always dreamed of. she has made mine and Jake's life richer than we ever imagined.

above all my gratitude and thanksgiving, i am humbled and blessed by God's love for me.

give thanks to the God in Heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever. psalm 136: 26

To follow Karissa and her gorgeous family, check out her blog !! 
Lexi Dawn Kiker. Powered by Blogger.