my heart part two

Part 2 : My Testimony

Here's the thing about being 18, its tough. I remember feeling like a little tiny fish in a big fat ocean. Not knowing who I am or what I want. Trying to figure all this out and becoming an adult is so much pressure. I remember it was about this time that I was partying a lot, drinking almost every night and just being young, wild, and free. And it was fun for a while, until I really realized I had gotten nowhere in my search for who I was or what I wanted. I felt empty and alone in a room full of people, some of my favorite people, and I still felt the ache for more. Honestly, I started going to church as another social event. Technically speaking, I had come to Christ when I was 12 at a Billy Graham concert, though I had no idea what that meant. Even then, I had this deep desire to be a part of something. I think to an extent, that was always a drive for a lot of things for me. Thankfully though, God knew how to use that for good.

I was a very typical girl who just wanted to fit in, always wanted to be liked and be popular. In so many ways, I have always been a natural born leader, but in so many other ways I am just such a follower. I especially struggled with this in jr high and high school. In Clovis, being a Christian was cool, so that really made me want to be a part of this whole youth group business. I bounced around to a couple places where I would try to be good and do everything I should. Inevitably I would mess up though and be too embarrassed to go back. Once I realized I wasn't good at this whole being a Christian thing, I decided I would just be a good person and find something I was good at. I was good at partying. I instantly felt cooler when I drank and dressed scantily. I was getting that affirmation from everyone that I had craved. At some point, you stop feeling guilty too. In the beginning, don't get me wrong, I was so scared of getting caught, but somewhere along the way, that fear disappeared. My rebellious streak made my new lifestyle that much easier.

Further down the road though, I realized that the affirmation I had been receiving, was conditional. The worst thing about wordly love is that it always wants more from you and ultimately it's empty. Thats what I felt, empty. I hated who I had become in so many ways, but I was too afraid of failure again. That's when I started going to The Well. I loved it. I felt welcome as I was, but that I was meant for more, that where I was then wasn't a reflection of who I truly am. I am a child of the one true God. It was a slow, painful, joyful, messy road to being freed from the pile of sin I had been living in. I would love to say it was easy, but it wasn't. Sin knows your name and calls you back to your depravity. But Jesus never leaves. He was patient & persistent with making me see myself as he saw me the day I gave my life to Him, washed white as snow. Most of us who have walked on the wild side and seen the depths of our depravity cling to those words, because how can a holy God see me as pure? But He does.

In June of 2010, I chose to make my love & commitment to Christ public. I love this great candid of me being baptized by my pastor Jared Rumley & my sister Cait.

The struggle to fully forgive others who had wronged me or hurt me was difficult, but ultimately it was me that I needed to forgive. The struggle to forgive myself for all the years of mistakes and things I had regretted was gut wrenching and humbling. It broke me. That was the time in my life that I really found out who Jesus is. He had already forgiven me, for all my sins past and present. It was only through really diving deep into God's word did I fully grasp who Jesus truly was, what the cost of sin was and how it had already been paid. I was missing that root of truth in my life, I had fallen in love with God's written word, giving me the compass for my soul that the world could never give me. Rooted in love, through Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells in me, healing each piece of my broken heart. It was then that I realized my beauty and strength in being who I was in Christ.

I am so thankful for the way that The Lord works. I have learned that there is no time for regret or shame, because God uses our mistakes for good. He is the only redeemer who can set you free from your past. Through the pain of my journey, God has used it to come alongside other girls just like me, speaking promises of redemption. It has given me a heart and understanding for struggling to find who you are, what you stand for, and the battle of self that it takes to surrender your life daily to live as Christ has called us to.

There is beauty & strength in humility. What I was hoping to show through all of this is that I humbly proclaim Christ's work in my life. That His strength can be shown in all of my weakness and the power of healing that the Holy Spirit & The Bible holds. 

Thank you for your love and support as I share my heart.

xoxo

Lexi

my heart part one

Part 1

I started writing one night, and my testimony just started coming out. And then I started to really think about where God has led me to now. I have been adding to it here and there, processing through it all has been wonderfully humbling. Without further a due... Here is some deep insight into my heart, where God has saved me from and led me to.

Josh and I, along with a group of our friends, started a life group to do just that, do life as a group. We really wanted to set aside a chunk of time twice a month to make sure that we had quality time together. Something we really wanted to do was share our testimonies, to really bond and see where we have all been and where God has taken us. I personally, love testimonies.  I love to hear about how God reached each one of us and how we were lead to salvation. Our God is so personal and knows how to appeal to each man and woman. We are all different, we are all created that way, and God knows our hearts. I love that! Hearing about the choices we made leading up to the ultimate choice of choosing Christ back is unique and beautiful. 

Naturally, I was willing to share my testimony the first meeting, along with another leader Mark. I have really only ever told my full testimony one other time, so I am, by no means, a pro at this. I would say that I am a good story teller, but I am also very emotional, so I fight tears back as I talk. Any way, as I was telling this crazy story I have lived and talking about my failures, I realized I heard one thing; that God loved me. He loved me so much it hurt. His redemptive powers are glorified in every flaw and mistake I made. He didn't ever leave me. He was right there next to me whispering His promises. The Lord is resilient beyound belief! I mean trust me, I flat out ignored him for a long time. I ran from Him. Which is reallly hysterical, who runs from the almighty, all knowing, loving, gracious God calling you to holyness?? Me. Thats who. Because what the hell would that God want with me? I had given up on myself, lost myself in my insecurties and regret. Luckily, God reminded me that He makes beauty from ashes and makes old things new. That is kind of His thing, he's a pro at taking the broken and making them whole in Him.

My journey wasn't a magical overnight transition into being some wonderful cookie cutter Christian, I am still not that. What I have found along the way though has truly simplified what my life is. My life is not my own. There is so much simplicity in letting Christ live in you. It is not easy, it's a daily sacrifice, but it is simple. The simplest form of what it truly means to be a Christian, is to be a follower of Jesus. To fall in love with who Jesus Christ is, believe Him to be the Son of God, and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. The freedom that comes in living for Christ and not for self is incredible. That is what my journey has brought me to, freedom. In Christ I am free.  

I let a lot of the church's influence dictate my early years of being a follower and what I thought I should look like. Which is really me at the root of all my insecurity, I really just wanted to fit in again. I really wanted to be accepted. What has finally revolutionized and simplified my daily walk, is that I want to know God more than I want to look like I know God. I don't want to love Him because of His blessings and say what I should to look like I know God. I want to know Jesus so that I can be more like Him. How do you love and follow a God you do not know? I have found how true it is that to know Jesus is to love Him. I have truly fallen more and more in love with who God is and it has completely changed my life. I have finally let my heart rest in who I truly am in Christ, instead of trying to earn His love and look good to everyone else.

My journey is just that, a journey towards becoming less like myself and more like Christ. I believe in the gift that it is to share our stories and journeys openly, and that means sharing my journey too. My next post I am looking forward to sharing my testimony!

xoxo

Lexi

deeper than my feet could ever wander.

There have been some huge life changes going on over here at the Warren household. My sweet and talented husband was offered a job as a graphic designer at Logos Bible Software in December just before Christmas. We were not searching for a job, but The Lord had bigger plans than us! I am so incredibly proud of my best friend for not only his talent, but his willing brave heart. Logos is in Bellingham, WA... so making this decision to uproot and take this journey was not something we took lightly. We recently took our first trip up there to decide if it was the right decision for our little family.

The amazing thing is, the journey to this point alone, has already deepened and strengthened our faith by leaps and bounds. I have never prayed more than I have lately. Not just for what God was doing with the job and all that, but for my husband. Praying my husband is something I have really been trying to grow deeper in. Not just a quick prayer at night before bed or prayer when he asks for it. I want to be praying for that man more than I pray for myself. I want to pray for him more than I pray for anyone. The Lord gave me such comfort and removed my stress and anxiety over these huge decisions. I trusted Him in a whole new way. Through that, I was able to trust Josh entirely and watch him lead us into this next chapter that God has so clearly laid before us. Ladies, marry a man that loves the Lord, you will never stop falling in love with him when he is in love with the God that you love with your whole heart. 

There are a few key times that I can look back and remember a strong feeling of God moving in a big way in my life. They were all huge turning points; calling me to the cross, calling me to follow Him, marrying Josh... I remember just knowing in my heart, feeling the Spirit move me. That's what I felt when we were in Bellingham. Everything I came to The Lord with about being unsure of, asking Him to provide, He showed up. Its truly amazing what God will do when you are bold enough to ask Him to answer your questions. He is not afraid to answer you, you just have to be willing to hear His answer. There Jesus reminded me, once again, to trust in Him. He affirmed me in every fear I had and showed me that He is so much bigger than anything I could ever fear. He has our back.

So here we go! This crazy new chapter, taking us to a state we never thought we would live in, in a town I had never heard of, and for a company that couldn't be more perfect for my husband. Our lives are about to change forever, and that's terrifying. But I also know that Jesus would not be calling me out onto the water if he didn't have a plan.

 The song "Oceans" by Hillsong has been on repeat in my head and on my stereo. My faith has already been made stronger and I have seen and felt the presence of my Savior. What else could a girl need? Friends? Family? Those things are the gut wrenching part of leaving to follow these dreams. There are not a enough words in this world to describe the way I feel about my family and friends. I am beyond blessed to have friends that have become my family, and a family that truly is my best friends. Distance or time cannot touch these relationships in my heart. And when the weight of missing them becomes too much, Jesus reminds me of his promises to me, that his plans are for good and to prosper. He is enough. 

I am sure the next months and maybe even year, will be hard, and we will struggle at times. Please send us your prayers and love as we start this new chapter! We are so excited to see where our lives are headed and what is in store for us. Thank you guys for all of your love and support :)

xoxo

Lexi  

Brielle June by Karissa Yeager.

Here is another guest blog I have been saving up! One of mine & Josh's bestest friends, match maker extraordinaire, fellow blogger, wife and mom to the most beautiful girl, Brielle June, Mrs Karissa Yeager. Karissa & her husband Jake's story of how their sweet Brielle made our life so much bigger and better is amazing. I am so thankful to have witnessed the power of this story first hand and now share it with the world alongside them. 

Jake grew up across the street from Josh in Coalinga. Instant best buds. Jake started dating Karissa sophomore year of high school and the rest is history. Josh, Jake & Karissa have always been best friends, and I knew Karissa from my best friend Kate, who was also from Coalinga.  Kate moved to Clovis just before I did - thank God, or I would have been friendless for the better half of 6th and 7th grade and missed out on one of the best friendships I have to this day. Any way, as Josh and I look back on the countless times that we could have met, we just laugh. God had such a bigger and better plan, with perfect timing that would sweep us both off our feet. Karissa actually messaged me a legitimate list of "10 reasons to date my best friend Josh" ... they were really good reasons. Both of us were not ready to be set up, and of course we just happened to run into each other at church a couple weeks later. The rest, is history. 

Both Kate & Karissa knew we would fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Really though, none of us knew the blessing that our friendship would grow into. Karissa has truly become a sister to me, funny because we do look freakishly alike, but also, because our boys really are brothers. I couldn't ask for a better couple to share our crazy adventures through life with and have sleep overs with at any age. We shared the same joy as we both got our first babies, their Chocolate Lab Gatsby and our Pit / Aussie mix Greyson. And then, just before we were gonna tie the knot, we found out Jake & Karissa were pregnant. I'll let her take it from here...

Karissa Yeager

it's kind of amazing how this bitty six pound, fifteen ounce life can rock your world, can explode your heart, can make you suddenly feel God stronger than ever before.

after march 9th, 2013 at 10:17pm, there was no going back. i was done for.

Brielle June is precious because we all are, but Brielle June is precious because she is a beautiful testimony to God's love and power and to my love and humility.

on june 24, 2012 my sweet husband and i found out we were pregnant. that moment was magic. i'm talking a moment when the world gets blurry and your legs get jiggly, and you just wanna stop time and soak up every last drop of life's sweetness. on july 2nd, 2012 we were told that the baby was gone. the pregnancy was no good. i don't remember much more than crumbling. my legs got jiggly again, but the kind of jiggly that knocks you out cold. i felt my heart crush, my back buckle. i leaned over, short of breath and sobbed. i felt betrayed, by God and my own body. i felt broken. i felt guilty.

on july 3rd, 2012 i was wheeled into the OR and i received a D&C. i just felt wrong. i felt wrong everywhere about everything. i was desperate to get a do-over. i remember pleading with God inside my head. i was desperate to be a mama. i was pleading to Him. please, Lord. someday make me a mama. that day was awful, and so were the days that followed. i remained tired, sad, and bitter.

on july 11th, 2012, found myself clinging to God, my husband, and any last bit of strength i had left. we were in the emergency room at UC San Diego Medical Center. my pathology reports had come back with no fetal tissue. blood tests confirmed i was still pregnant...somewhere. my doctor suspected a tubal pregnancy. so there i sat. more terrified than i had ever been before. more exhausted. more angry. more helpless. i wanted my home, my mom, and my ovaries. i wanted a baby, for goodness sake. i still wanted that baby, and i just felt like i was never going to recover from any of the nightmare that my life was at that moment.

after hours of waiting, we were taken into a room, given an ultrasound, taken into another room, visited by a doctor, and it was there that i witnessed the biggest miracle of my life.

my stomach gets fluttery and my mind gets foggy just thinking about. the doctor told me that i was still pregnant. that the baby was alive, in my uterus. the baby was alive, and healthy, inside of me, right where it belonged.

doctors and nurses flooded in with nothing to tell me except that there was no explanation for what happened. it was simply a miracle. a beautiful miracle.

on march 9th, 2013 at 10:17pm i heard that sweet cry. she was here. my sweet and precious baby was here. i wanted her so badly. i pleaded for her. i pleaded, begged, prayed. now she is here.

there is no going back. she has my heart. i will never, ever be the same again. i love her so much it hurts me. i cry for her because i love her so. sometimes a lump forms in my throat when i hug her. when her cold, smooth, squishy cheek rests on my shoulder, when my lips touch her fuzzy head, when her body goes limp against mine. when she is completely at peace, completely content with my love and protection, thats when she gets me. it's moments like that that i am constantly longing for.

from the moment she became mine, God made sense. it's those moments when i'm down on my knees, when i'm reading those scriptures, when i'm loving that neighbor, and i'm completely at peace, completely content with His love and protection, that's when i get Him. that is what he is longing for.

i will never understand how much He loves me, how much He loves us. i can't even grasp how much i love her.

Brielle is a horrible napper, and sleeper in general. i have bruises on my arm from where she has pinched me. and more often than not, she pees everywhere the second i undo her diaper. regardless, my love for her is unconditional in the purest way. pinch all you want, little girl. pee on my favorite dress. never nap again. i love you.

and God is the same to us.

i sin. always. i am a gossiper, liar, and thief. but i am a child of God and to Him that is enough. i am pure and clean and precious.

i often think about the fact that one day Brielle will be 15. one day Brielle will want to dye her hair, to date someone we might not approve of, to listen to some music we can't understand. i will love her just the same, i can promise that. but i can also promise that she will forever be my six pound, 15 ounce perfect gift from God. she will be that answered prayer, that miracle that i will never deserve. she will always be that first cry, that sweet toothless smile, that girl that never naps. she will always be that fake cougher, that boob lover, that giggler at Gatsby, her chocolate lab. she will always be perfect. i will forever hold on to her innocence and purity.

i am so thankful that God made me a mama. i am more thankful that God made me a mama to Brielle June. she is everything i have always dreamed of. she has made mine and Jake's life richer than we ever imagined.

above all my gratitude and thanksgiving, i am humbled and blessed by God's love for me.

give thanks to the God in Heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever. psalm 136: 26

To follow Karissa and her gorgeous family, check out her blog !! 

childlike faith by Jamie Feliz.

My first ever, guest blog post! Let me introduce my girl, Jamie Feliz. 

In seventh grade, I had the pleasure of meeting Jordan Feliz in my p.e. class. We became instant buds. Jordan and I went all the way through high school together. I remember when he started dating Jamie sophomore year and thinking how beautiful she was. Turns out, while I hadn't met Josh yet, Jordan and Josh were friends through being in bands and playing together in high school, too. Fast forward years later, when Josh was going to meet up with Jordan to grab coffee, we realized we both knew the same curly haired cutie. Jordan was just about to marry Jamie, and he had always told me he thought me and Jamie would be really good friends. We finally set up a double date and the rest is history. They became our best buds that we did everything with. Our dogs, Lennon & Pancakes, are even boyfriend and girlfriend. 

I fell in love with Jamie. You can't not love her. She is so ridiculously stylish and sassy, and without fail she will have you on your butt laughing. She's truly one of a kind. Jamie & I got to work together at the salon until they recently moved to Nashville, where she did Billy Rae Cyrus's hair by the way. No biggie. We are so blessed by being besties with these guys. I am so lucky to call Jamie one of my favorites and to share one of her stories of watching her faith grow. She is original, quirky, funny, stunning, humble, creative, and easy going. I'm a huge fan. Hope you love hearing her heart as much as I do ...

Jamie Nicole Feliz

We've all been there. That place in time where the walls inside of you crack and your heart falls down into the pit of your stomach. Life as you've know it so far has completely changed. A moment unplanned, unexpected.. a reality check. Sometimes these moments hit you right then and there. The second his eyes met mine, I knew he was the one. He smiled at me and my heart started pounding and my throat got dry and from that moment on I never wanted to be even a rooms length away from him. 15 years old, a time in my life when I wasn't looking for anything or anyONE, and I found him.. and I couldn't live without him...unplanned...unexpected. It's only by God's grace & intervention that I have been undeservingly blessed to call Jordan's heart my own. I got the privilege of 7 years of dating the heck out of him before we finally tied the knot 2 years ago. A decision I haven't regretted for a second.

 Sometimes life throws you curve balls. Leaves you feeling.. blank. breathless. speechless. A car crashes, a gun fires, a line goes flat and you think everything is going to be ok. You think you're gonna get through this one unaffected. Until, a week later, you trip going down the steps, or you drop a glass plate, and your mouth goes numb and your hands start shaking and you fall to pieces. You crack, break, and realize that life as you know it will never be the same... unplanned...unexpected...a reality check. 

I remember one time in particular my world was turned upside down. It may not be everyone's ideal story, but its the one I feel like sharing. I'm being real here, so no judgement please.

As a little girl, I was brought up believing in God, knowing the stories of the bible, praying to Him at night, and celebrating Christmas and Easter. As a child, you believe what you're told and you don't question anything, because humanity hasn't taught you to doubt yet.

One day, I was running around town with my dad and our dog, Zeus. First to the pet store and then quickly to the grocery store. On our way home, I pulled out the dog brush we had picked up at our first stop so that I could brush Zeus in the backseat. It was one of those brushes that has a clip attached to the face of it, beneath the needles of the brush. After the brush has collected hair, you can pull up on the clip, which pulls up all the hair, and you are left with a clean brush. And, thats exactly what I was doing. Being in the car, I disposed of the excess hair by holding the clip outside the window so that the air rushing by could wipe the clip clean. Unexpectedly, the wind pulled the clip straight from my hand and I watched, in horror, as the clip flew onto the freeway behind us and underneath passing cars. Gone for good.

I'm sure we all remember, as a child, there is no worse feeling in the world than disappointing your parents. Knowing we JUST bought that brush, I knew my dad would KILL me if he found out what I'd just done. Immediately, I bowed my head and with all my heart, I prayed to a God that I knew was a God capable of miracles. I don't remember the words I said to Him, I just remember putting all of my faith into Him and knowing he was going to cover me.

We pulled into the driveway and my dad opened up the back to unload the bags. I grabbed the first few and as he reached in and pulled out the last two, there it was. Underneath the last two bags in the trunk was the clip to the brush. Speechless, my heart sank. "How did this get here?" my dad said, handed me the clip, and continued inside. That, to me, was a real reality check.

Over the years the world taught me a lot of things, one of them being doubt. But the one thing I never doubted was my belief in God, His love, and His ability to make His presence known in our lives as long as we continue to have child-like faith in Him and not do ourselves a dis-service by assuming what He is/is not capable of doing in our lives. For years I kept that story to myself. In fact, it wasn't until about 2 years ago that I finally told the story to my husband, knowing he wouldn't doubt me. Actually, to my amazement, he told me it was his favorite story he'd ever heard. So when Lexi asked me to write a story, I figured this had to be my best one. 

Faith is like a seed; plant it in your heart. God will give the harvest at the appointed time.

... He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." - Matthew 17:20

nowhere to set her foot upon.

Trying to think of stories that I wanted to share that not everyone may know about me, the story of why I have a dove tattooed on my foot came to me. When I was twenty one I went through an amazing year long program at The Well called Residency. That's where my deep love for the bible really grew. I learned more that year than I had in my whole life about Gods word. To be honest, I had always been confused and bored with the Old Testament. Suddenly though, God revealed it to me in such a relatable, life altering way. I began to fully understand the weight and cost of sin, what sin really was, and how it was dealt with before Christ came. And how much of a sinner I was, saved by grace and grace alone. 

  

Reading through the Old Testament, my heart was broken and my love for who Christ was to me became real. I fell in love with the gospel before I even got to that part! My heart was broken, yet comforted, as I realized I was just like each broken character of the bible. Stories of my own past connected with each one I read. The redemptive power of Jesus & the Holy Spirit comforted me as I realized who I was to Him. 

I really connected with one story in particular, it truly summed up my testimony. Genesis 8:6-12, the story of Noah sending out two birds, a dove and crow. The crow found a place to rest and live without the arc and Noah. But the dove, she found no rest, nowhere to set her foot upon. She came back to Noah. When he sent her out again, she brought back an olive branch, Gods symbol of land & peace to Noah. That was me. You see, I had to be sent out into the world, look at all of it, try to find rest without the arc, but in the end, there was nothing. Nothing but Jesus to set my foot upon. Nowhere to rest my foot upon that satisfied or comforted. It only left me more lonely, empty, and guilty. 

I fell in love with this picture of me, flying back to Noah the second time, holding that olive branch. I knew that was my redemptive story through Christ. I already had 3 tattoos, so I thought it wouldn't be too bad. Then the tattoo artist told me the top of the foot was one of the most painful places... Awesome. Guys, I'm a total wimp. I can prove it, here's something to make you die laughing, just as Cheryl & Josh did. 

Best friends are for holding your hair and laughing at you while you cry. I simultaneously laughed and cried through the whole 45 minutes. Yes, I'm embarrassed. But that lil beauty was worth every minute. It's truly a reflection of me and I'd do it again. 

inspired.

Last week I had the opportunity to tag along to a creative conference in Texas with Josh & his bosses. I thought it would be fun, but I had no idea what would stir in my heart. The conference is put on in Dallas at a mega church called Watermark. Easily the most beautiful church I have ever seen, down to every detail. 

One of the days, we were lucky enough to catch a Rangers game! So hot. Like Clovis is hot, don't get me wrong, but that humidity is another ball game. Pun intended. 

The conference was designed and put on by people that work in churches, make church media, lead worship, etc. There was a ton that was over my head and not applicable, but there was a ton that was directed at artists in general though. I left feeling so inspired. And full, there was no shortage of food or caffeine at this joint. Chik Fil A, Krispy Kreme, one day there was even ice cream trucks they had rented out. 

The theme of fear // what fear does to us as artists was in almost every session we had. As artists we are so afraid that what we are making might not be appreciated or it might be just being plain bad. The funny thing is, we all have to be bad at some point in order to start our journey to being better, ok, and eventually being good. The loaded question of "what would my life look like if I acted like fear wasn't involved?" can only lead to me asking myself, "what am I afraid of?" One of the other speakers phrased it by asking, "what does the little voice inside you tell you can't do?" That made it a little bit easier. 

 I thought a lot about when I am doing hair and make up. And I thought about writing my blog. My fears for both are pretty similar. What if nobody cares? What if nobody likes it? What if people are talking about how much they don't like it? What if I am irrelevant? The thing is, we are all afraid. We are all afraid of failure. That is Satan's easiest foothold into messing with our heads, tempting us to back down from what we love and what we are called to. I am guilty of watering down my blog from too much Jesus talk because it won't be read by as many people as when I post pictures of my wedding. I hate that. 

What kept coming to my mind was, the power of stories. Then another speaker touched on how important stories are to us, how much we connect with them, and how much more we remember them in the long run. That is where I really stopped and thought, that's what I want my blog to be. I want my blog to be about stories. Stories that we read, connect to and hold on to. I want to tell my stories, my friends stories, little, big, funny, stupid, or emotional stories. I want to tell our stories. Stories are what make up our lives. Stories are what make us cry, laugh, and come to our knees. Stories empower us, move us, lift us up and encourage us. And the best part is, we all have stories to tell. 

I believe so deeply in being real and true to who you are at all times. This is a place where I am just that and can share my stories. I have a couple friends who are gonna share their stories here too, I can't wait. Thank you guys for your love & support! 

xoxo

a year later...

So the day has finally come, it's been a full year that I have been Lexi Warren. 

I have loved every moment of learning what it means to be a wife, humbling myself as I stumble and fall. Being a loving, praying, respectful, kind, unconditional wife is not as easy as I imagined. Life creeps in, and you struggle to be everything you swore you would be, and in those moments all I have to say is "Thank God." Thank you God for knowing me. Thank you for knowing I would fail, but that You would be glorified in my failures. My love for who Christ is in me and who He is in my husband has grown leaps and bounds this year as our need for him has been magnified. It has been a year of searching and growth as we see Christ in this new light of being the keeper of our covenant and where he leads our life together. 

 I have gotten a glimpse into what unconditional love is on a level that only a husband and wife can understand. We got married in the stage of falling in love still, so we had never even gotten to the point of being annoyed of each other! I never thought there would come that moment of thinking he didn't deserve my love and adoration. Really learning to let there be room for error, for men to not be held to the standard of Christ, showing grace without restraint, this is so crucial. It's suffocating to try to live up to the standard of perfection. I promised Josh the day I married him that I would love him when he fell short, and through God I am able to.  Learning to be unconditional not just in the moments when it is easy and we are laughing, but the moments when all you want to do is win that fight. You never know how painfully prideful you are until you are married. Dear Joshua you have sharpened me so much in that sense I could never thank you enough. 

 I have found friendship deeper than I have ever known. I am known by the best man I have ever known. Isn't that every woman's dream? That her husband wants to know her thoughts. He wants to know why she does those silly quirky little things. I love that Josh knows my weird habits and can make me laugh as if I am seeing them for the first time. Laughter truly is one of the biggest joys of marriage.

 And this is only the beginning! It has not always been the fairy tale that we all paint out lives to be, but it has in so many ways, been much better than that. I wouldn't change a piece of it. 

Check out our full wedding video! The password is "love", thank you Kroh Media, I am in awe of it still. If you want to check out the shorter wedding preview that is also amazing. Enjoy!

Cheers to a year & to a lifetime full of love!

 July 15th 2012 

living life as a wife.

Almost 3 and a half months ago my whole world changed. My heart is now bound to another's in Christ through marriage. The biggest blessing I could have ever dreamt of! The past few months have been such a beautiful adventure. Learning to live life as a wife has been such a blast, fulfilling, hilarious,  and honestly quite humbling. 

On our honeymoon, I thought, "this will kind of be similar to what our life will be like right? Always together, always tan, always laughing, always relaxed..." And that my friends, is why they call it the honeymoon phase. Don't get me wrong, we are very much still in the honeymoon phase! But the kick back in to real life was swift when we got home. 

Within two days of returning, Josh was sick and so was our 15 year old pup Maple. Maple had been in my life since I was in 3rd grade and I was entirely convinced that she would live forever. We will be forever grateful that we were there when she passed and that she had not been in pain for long. We said good bye to Maple two days after we got home. Talk about bitter sweet. I was so happy to be home with my husband and live together and then....my dog dies? Not exactly my plan at all. Even though I was blissfully married, I cried the whole first week we were home. Mind you, I did laugh a lot too, but I was also mourning the life of a companion I'd had for more than half my life. 

Weeks had passed and our other dog, Pancakes (yes, plural) who is almost 6, was still sad without our girl. We had been planning on adopting another dog in January, so this just seemed to bump up our process. We started looking online at local rescues and thinking about what kind of dog would be right for us. Then one fateful Saturday, Josh went to a Petsmart adoption day while I was at work. Obviously we all know if you go with even the inkling of adopting a dog, and there are a bunch of puppies kissing you, you will take one home, or you might as well be heartless. That day, we brought home a bouncing baby girl dog who we named Greyson, about 20 lbs and huge paws. She has made our lil family complete for now, brings so much joy, and has completely brought out the best in Pancakes . 

On top of our growing family, I have also been blessed with one of every girls dreams...two of my best friends were engaged at the same time as me. Ava got married in June and my best friend Cheryl just married her man a week ago! This is how you dream of it in middle school. "We will get married around the same time, we will double date, we will have babies at the same time..." I mean come on, you all had that written down in your Lisa Frank friendship journal and/or seen Bridewars. Ava and I's festivities were within weeks of each others all before June, making life crazy but so fun. And now recently we have gotten to celebrate all things Cheryl! The Lord has truly blessed me with friendships and bonds that make life so much fun and fulfilling. As both of my friends live out of town and state, I know that time and space between me and two of my best friends will not hinder our friendship.

Through all of this madness, I have been learning to be a wife. It's learning to make someone your number one priority in every area of your life. I love to serve people, I always have. I love to buy presents, I love to make dinner for people, surprise people with coffee at the right moment...that part came naturally to me. I am great at doing laundry and cleaning up. I naturally fell right into my role as the traditional wife. But I am not just a traditional stay at home house wife, as much as I think I would like to be. Part of being a team is learning what makes the other one feel loved. I have had to really work on making my schedule line up with Josh's so that we can have the quality time that shows him he is my number one. For me, I love so many wonderful people. I am blessed with a huge family, an amazing bunch of friends - who just insist on living everywhere. So, I spend a lot of my time trying to be there for all of them. I am in no way praising my efforts as a friend, daughter, sister, stylist or whatever, but trying to show you where my love had been focused. Those relationships do not have to suffer to be a good wife. I just have to put him first. Learning to be a wife first and everything else second. No one would disagree that is what you should be! 

With all of the holidays around the corner, we have been enjoying decorating our home together, making traditions, and drinking a lot of coffee and hot chocolate. This year has brought the most joy into my life. I became an Auntie for the first time, one of my sisters started med school, another sis started college, and the youngest turned 5!! My heart is bursting at the seams with love. 

There, my friends, is a glimpse into my life as a wife and what we have been up to! 

I have a couple blog posts coming up with fun holiday decor too, so stay tuned. 

xoxo

Lexi

happy wednesday!

I love this song. 

Hope it makes your Wednesday amazing. 

Britt Nicole - all this time